I Said Nothing
Some signs are too powerful to forget.
—Kirsten R (photo credit: unknown)
Like so many white people, I originally misunderstood the Black Lives Matter movement. Upon first learning about it a few years ago, I could not see the urgency of it.
All mothers were summoned--"summoned” is a call to convene. It is a matter of public urgency.
I’m sorry that it has taken this, for me to pay attention.
I will admit my own part and acknowledge that I too, consciously or unconsciously have been part of the problem.
I have been reflecting upon instances when race could have been brought up and I chose to look away. To side-step it. Times I said nothing.
In one such instance, I was at the farmer’s market and my 3-year-old began shouting and pointing, “Mom, Mom! Look at that man!” He was African American and his skin was a deep, beautiful brown (we live in a town where African Americans make up about 2% of the population).
What was she going to say?
I tried to distract her. But she continued.
“Look, look! He has a dragon on his shirt!”
The gentlemen and I smiled at each other. The relief in my face must have been palpable. He asked her if she liked dragons and she nodded enthusiastically.
Of course, he knew why I tried to change the subject. The very idea that I was worried she’d mention the color of his skin, meant I had been directly contributing to the problem.
When we came home, it didn’t occur to me to discuss ways to promote anti-racism. I have avoided certain topics with my daughters—using what I know now to be excuses. I am realizing that when it comes to race, that’s my privilege as a white person. I’m recognizing, I have avoided the topic of race—when a person of color cannot. As a white mother raising white children, compared to POC raising children of color, I’m being lobbed softballs underhand when it comes to topics of race. And while my child's interaction with this man was completely about dragons, the man and I both knew our interaction as adults, had nothing to do with them.
Until recently, I thought I was doing pretty good. My daughters have dolls of every color. We have friends of different races. We read and watch shows with people of color. But, if I am being totally honest, the representation of BIPOC in our house could be better. I’m seeing that I may have been falling back on the old sentiment of, “Not me, I have a black friend” patting myself on the back and moving on. I wasn’t sure I should say anything on this topic—I have opened my ears and am listening to other writers, artist, and activists express their experiences and realizing how different they are from my own. I'm learning now, and I’m working to do better. I believe in transparency and perhaps another white mother can relate and like me, feels the urgency. We too are being summoned.
I am realizing I am out of my breadth and want to listen to and amplify the voices of people of color. I hope that you’ll join me in listening to their perspectives and experiences because our sons and daughters are writing their own narratives, taking in information and forming their own morality based on the values we instill in them. We won’t always know exactly what to say, but with silence, there won’t be a conversation.
Currently reading: So You Want to Talk about Race by Ijeoma Oluo
Just finished: Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid
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Donated here:
Black Lives Matter Global Network
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Educating my children:
Currently reading: Peeny Butter Fudge by Toni Morrison, Slade Morrison, and Joe Cepeda and
I AM Human: A Book of Empathy by Susan Verde
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