A Few of my Favorite Things

A friend of mine who's expecting her first baby recently asked me my favorite thing about having kids. It took me a second to respond since in that particular moment Madeleine was busy putting peanut butter on her dress, while Charlotte was scooping dirt onto her pants and every part of me wanted to answer "all the laundry".  If you’ve followed my journey from the beginning you know I don’t believe in sugar coating, since it is far too sticky and that just becomes one more thing I have to clean up. So here is an honest list of the ever-growing things I love about having kids.

1). Children are a special concocted blend of you and your partner's most frustrating qualities sent from heaven to test your patience and provide endless amounts of karmic hilarity.

2). On the flip-side, your children are a special concocted blend of you and your partner's most wonderful qualities sent from heaven to bring everyone joy.  

3). Your children are walking, talking, pooping little blobs of love. All day, every day you will experience some form of love from them. Whether it be a kiss, a laugh, or a loaded diaper with a smile. 

4). Just when you're ready to be fitted for a straight jacket, your child will do something so epically adorable that (almost) all will be forgiven.

5). Whenever I’m having a bad day I just take my kids out in the world to watch strangers admire, compliment, or attempt to squish their little cheeks and I use this as a metaphorical pat on the back that I must be doing something right as a mom.

These are just a few of my favorite things.

Why 2 Year Olds Make Terrible Babysitters

Sometimes I can see the appeal of having your children 10 years apart, so your 10 year old can be mommy’s helper as opposed to Charlotte’s current role: the ultimate baby antagonizer. Don’t get me wrong she can be helpful, loving, and sweet with her sister, but when I let them “play” the following shenanigans are guaranteed to unfold:

1). Playful rough housing that ends in using the baby as an ottoman or step stool.

2). Dress-up that leads to temporary blindness and the inappropriate bending of limbs.

3). Random toddler toy inspections that result in immediate relocation.

4). Drive-by kissing and hugging where no one can be left standing.  

5). Musical chairs with mommy’s lap where there can only be one winner. 

6). Following the Golden Rule that girls must always go to the bathroom in pairs.

7). The dedication and follow through my toddler shows in ensuring her sister “laughs ‘til she cries”.

8). A 50/50 shot as to whether or not the item in transit will ever make it to the baby.

9). Most importantly, ensuring the baby remains humble when reaching her achievements and milestones.

The Toddler Dance

If there is one thing I hate more than anything it is the just you wait and see smug-mom look. This typically comes from moms whose babies are older than yours. I remember the first time I saw it. I had just joined my Mom’s Group and I naively asked what I had to look forward to. One mother quickly chimed in, offering advice and wisdom, as her toddler carefully sorted through grass and dirt and decided that the grass looked much more delicious. I’ve recently come to the conclusion that if I could go back in time, I’d definitely be the one giving myself that look. These days I have to ask, what in God’s name was so difficult about taking care of a baby? Let’s put the sleep deprivation aside for a moment and pretend that doesn’t exist (which is exactly how second babies are conceived). Babies cannot really do anything and they nap for over half of the day! 

Fast forward to full blown toddler-ville, where I don’t have to worry about Charlotte eating grass since she is terrified of it, but she did get stuck in the doggie door today, and she napped for a grand total of one hour and fifteen minutes.

Now, I obviously do know what was so hard about being the mother of a young baby. It was the lack of sleep, the baby's overwhelming dependency on you and the drastic life-altering reality that is new motherhood. With each stage there is a dance and no matter what, you will always feel like you’ve both arrived a few weeks late to the disco. Once you actually get into a groove, you are so gosh-darn proud you may even pat yourself on the back, just in time to watch ‘em hit a new milestone and oh so quickly, paradise is lost. Every stage has its challenges and rewards. I tend to look back and think that one had to be the toughest, then suddenly the dance changes and sure enough, I’m right back in the fetal position on the playroom floor, while Charlotte prances around me as we listen to the Raffi station on Pandora (visualize Max from Where the Wild Things Are). For all our missteps, the way my heart feels when Charlotte shares her joy with me, be it through books, songs, kisses, or her pure adoration of our dogs, it is absolutely worth it. So I can smugly say, with zero percent confidence, to all you moms whose babies are younger than mine, that the toddler dance is by far the hardest and most exhausting.

Me and my dance partner