The Collective Good

It’s been a minute since I’ve had a toddler. We purposefully waited to have our third, in order to finally soak up every ounce of babyhood, while the older girls entertain each other. Having two-under-two didn’t exactly lend itself to quality head-sniffing moments—so this is really the first time I’ve taken the opportunity to savor Josephine’s littleness. I’ve never tried Ecstasy, but rocking her and getting in some good head-sniffs, feels like the stuff euphoria was named for.

Somehow during lockdown, my youngest went from babyhood to toddlerhood, when no one was looking.

It’s true, mothers block out tough phases in order to get through, if we didn’t the world would be filled with only children. It’s no accident toddlers are at their most adorable at the exact moment they are their most challenging. Everything about their curiosity requires vigilant supervision.

A dryer? I need to climb in.

A fork? I bet this goes in my eye.

An electrical socket? I should probably lick it.

There is no staircase they won’t climb, or chopped up piece of fruit they won’t try to choke on.

Back when things were normal and I was having a particularly rough day, I’d load up the car and head to Costco, or the park, really anywhere with other people around. My intentions were three-fold. First, I needed help not losing my patience, and some days moms need witnesses. Secondly, and this was the best part, my daughters make strangers smile. No matter where we were, people would stop me to comment on my kids—be it their matching outfits, beauty, or their behavior (good, bad, or ugly). Lastly, and most importantly, on the really hard days, I needed to be reminded just how lucky I am.

I haven’t taken Josephine out in public since she was just over a year and yesterday, I got her alone for an outdoor coffee date. She is peaking at her most darling, with curly hair and blue eyes that will make your ovaries ache. She is spirited in the way that makes me chuckle when other people say they are tired. There was another mom, about a stone’s throw away, with a baby in front pack. I waved to her and she waved back, not knowing each other, but speaking the universal language of motherhood. I see your tiny human and look, I also made one of those! Isn’t it marvelous?

As people entered the coffee shop they were greeted by her gurgling baby and when they exited, they got a wave from my charismatic toddler. While all who passed through were wearing masks, everyone found some creative way to engage with our kids. Clapping their hands and waving--it was as if these strangers missed these tiny humans they’d never met. Like they were waiting for the world to reopen, just to get in a game of peek-a-boo.

About an hour into Josephine’s very own game of climbing-on-and-off-the-chair that made her giddy with joy, one gentleman told me, “her happiness just made my whole day.”

What a lovely thought.

I think perhaps this is what we have been craving. Yes, we were blessed to binge watch our own children for 3 months, but we were missing an in-person reminder of what it is all for.

The collective good. The collective good of humanity.

I read somewhere that the reason America isn’t recovering from COVID-19 as quickly as other countries is because we are a country that values individualism over collectivism. I so want them to be wrong.

I didn’t know the other mother with her baby by the entrance, but I was just happy to know that she was there. That she and her baby existed.

And while I know it was necessary to flatten the curve, I hope as we begin to emerge, doing everything in our power to prevent the second wave, we should stop and appreciate what a gift it is to be able to witness and participate in the next wave of humanity.

Babyhood 2.0

There are things that I never knew to appreciate about a baby until I had a second one.  A lot of it has to do with understanding the differences between a baby and a toddler, and while I have less time to sit and bask in the glory of my tiniest human, I gratefully recognize what I missed in my new mom fog two years ago. 

1). I don’t have to work for a smile.

Most times I can just look at Madeleine and she smiles at me. One time I smiled at Charlotte and she simply shook her head and said, “No Mama.”

2). Babies can literally sleep anywhere through anything. 

Getting a toddler to sleep requires more steps than assembling Ikea furniture. 

3). Babies are a cheap date.

I simply pack up my boobs with me and go. Toddlers need snacks, a beverage, meals and more snacks. 

4). I can eat or drink anything without having to share.

I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight thanks to a lot of hard work with #Fit4Mom but also because I'm on a strict toddler implemented diet plan called half portions or "my cracker". 

5). Babies are low maintenance.

Toddlers needs are incredibly random and yet very specific. For example I wanted Charlotte to wear a bow in her hair for gymnastics to keep her hair out of her eyes. It had to be the bow with the cupcakes on it that was downstairs, but first we had to cry about it, ruffle our freshly brushed hair, and then I had to come up with some sort of bribery exchange where she would wear it but only for an actual cupcake (for more examples see “Why is my Toddler Crying”). Little does Charlotte know that the “cupcakes” I make are actually muffins with vegetables in them. 

Now when I hold my baby, I know to appreciate her just as she is in that moment and I watch her for a few seconds longer in hopes that I can slow down the clock. I’ve learned that if I look up too fast, she’ll be a toddler. 

22 WAYS YOU KNOW YOU MUST BE LIVING WITH A TODDLER

1). You don’t put the toilet paper on the roll and it’s not out of laziness.

2). You have to eat dessert in your pantry because you don’t want to share.

3). You feel like Elmo’s voice was created as punishment for sins you must have committed in a past life.

4). Yes I would like some cheese with that whine.

5). At any adult function you find yourself humming the song from their favorite light up toy.

6). You’ve probably already used the phrase “let’s keep our pants on” at least twice today.

7). They can sense when bedtime is approaching and will instantly lay on the charm.

8). Their favorite food from yesterday is now grotesque and officially offensive.

9). Kisses are better than Band-Aids, but not better than stickers.

10). You did absolutely nothing to help the drought in California since bath time could last for hours or until the hot water ran out.

11). All small chairs shall be called “potties”.

12). Play dates are now a gamble ever since sharing was invented.

13). Everyday you play a game called “disguise the vegetables”.

14). Your days of using curse words are over, hello “shoot” and “darn”.

15). When other people use the expression “Terrible Twos” you kind of want to punch them a little bit.

16). You have to apologize to strangers who smile and say hi because all they get in return is the stink eye.

17). There are only one or two particular books on the agenda and the rest are simply unacceptable.

18). At any given moment a spontaneous dance party could breakout.

19). Quiet places are for screaming.

20). It is the worst day of their life because you gave them the red cup instead of the green one. Oh look, bubbles!

21). Bubbles.

22). It’s their world and you are just lucky to be living in it.

MY WORLD