A Few of my Favorite Things

A friend of mine who's expecting her first baby recently asked me my favorite thing about having kids. It took me a second to respond since in that particular moment Madeleine was busy putting peanut butter on her dress, while Charlotte was scooping dirt onto her pants and every part of me wanted to answer "all the laundry".  If you’ve followed my journey from the beginning you know I don’t believe in sugar coating, since it is far too sticky and that just becomes one more thing I have to clean up. So here is an honest list of the ever-growing things I love about having kids.

1). Children are a special concocted blend of you and your partner's most frustrating qualities sent from heaven to test your patience and provide endless amounts of karmic hilarity.

2). On the flip-side, your children are a special concocted blend of you and your partner's most wonderful qualities sent from heaven to bring everyone joy.  

3). Your children are walking, talking, pooping little blobs of love. All day, every day you will experience some form of love from them. Whether it be a kiss, a laugh, or a loaded diaper with a smile. 

4). Just when you're ready to be fitted for a straight jacket, your child will do something so epically adorable that (almost) all will be forgiven.

5). Whenever I’m having a bad day I just take my kids out in the world to watch strangers admire, compliment, or attempt to squish their little cheeks and I use this as a metaphorical pat on the back that I must be doing something right as a mom.

These are just a few of my favorite things.

Everything is a 10

There is no off button. No volume control, no mute. Everything is a 10. Every moment your toddler is awake they are experiencing emotions at a 10. The good news is this goes for frustration, but also excitement; anger but also joy. In case you are not yet living in this reality, or it feels like a distant memory, I will present some examples of a normal everyday scenario for a child and the scenario that would have to happen in order for an adult to emote an equivalent emotional response.

Excitement

Child: Anything that involves bubbles.

Adult: You found out you won an all-expense paid trip to Hawaii, and your parents offered to watch the kids.

Anger

Child: It’s time to get out of the bath.

Adult: You are standing in line at the DMV and your number is 102 and they just called 7.  

Anger

Child: It is time to leave the playground.

Adult: Your flight out of Alaska has been canceled and you are snowed in at the airport for two days.

Joy

Child: Anything that involves Elmo.

Adult: The moment you found out you were having a baby.

Anger

Child: They have run out of Puffs.

Adult: Your neighbors go out of town but leave their teenager home alone to throw an all-night rager, complete with house music and vomit on the sidewalk.

Frustration

Child: They have to share a toy with their sibling.

Adult: The cable guy strolls in during the last 2 minutes of his four hour window, on a Saturday.

The good news is every day for you with kids is also a 10.

The bad news is every day for you with kids is also a 10.