The Toddler Dance

If there is one thing I hate more than anything it is the just you wait and see smug-mom look. This typically comes from moms whose babies are older than yours. I remember the first time I saw it. I had just joined my Mom’s Group and I naively asked what I had to look forward to. One mother quickly chimed in, offering advice and wisdom, as her toddler carefully sorted through grass and dirt and decided that the grass looked much more delicious. I’ve recently come to the conclusion that if I could go back in time, I’d definitely be the one giving myself that look. These days I have to ask, what in God’s name was so difficult about taking care of a baby? Let’s put the sleep deprivation aside for a moment and pretend that doesn’t exist (which is exactly how second babies are conceived). Babies cannot really do anything and they nap for over half of the day! 

Fast forward to full blown toddler-ville, where I don’t have to worry about Charlotte eating grass since she is terrified of it, but she did get stuck in the doggie door today, and she napped for a grand total of one hour and fifteen minutes.

Now, I obviously do know what was so hard about being the mother of a young baby. It was the lack of sleep, the baby's overwhelming dependency on you and the drastic life-altering reality that is new motherhood. With each stage there is a dance and no matter what, you will always feel like you’ve both arrived a few weeks late to the disco. Once you actually get into a groove, you are so gosh-darn proud you may even pat yourself on the back, just in time to watch ‘em hit a new milestone and oh so quickly, paradise is lost. Every stage has its challenges and rewards. I tend to look back and think that one had to be the toughest, then suddenly the dance changes and sure enough, I’m right back in the fetal position on the playroom floor, while Charlotte prances around me as we listen to the Raffi station on Pandora (visualize Max from Where the Wild Things Are). For all our missteps, the way my heart feels when Charlotte shares her joy with me, be it through books, songs, kisses, or her pure adoration of our dogs, it is absolutely worth it. So I can smugly say, with zero percent confidence, to all you moms whose babies are younger than mine, that the toddler dance is by far the hardest and most exhausting.

Me and my dance partner

Look, Mom!

Charlotte building while standing!

I might be wrong about this, but I am pretty sure my heart is going to explode with pride. There is something about watching your child begin to learn that makes the teacher in me do mini freeze frame jumps for joy in the air. It happens around 9 months or so, the wheels begin to turn: I tell her to come here and she does, she can even give me a kiss! I ask her if she wants more and she gives me the baby sign for more, which to the untrained eye looks like clapping. That’s a separate request and you have to say, “Yay!” or clap yourself. Is there anything more comical than having a room full of college educated adults clapping for no reason other than to watch a baby put her hands together repeatedly? This is how we will be spending our holidays.

I was never fanatical about Charlotte learning how to crawl. I was excited sure and I lost 5 pounds within the first 10 days, but I knew it meant she’d have virtually unlimited access to all things. Now that we’ve reached the mobility stage and there are no boundaries, I’m eager for her to start walking. Something about her graduating into bipedalism will transform her into an actual little person. As with all things related to parenting there can be no rushing these things. There are no tricks or devices that can speed this process up. It is the first of many times our children get to decide when they are ready and to remind us that, just in case we forgot, we have absolutely no control whatsoever. So while they are learning to talk the talk and walk the walk it is our job to simply put our hands together.