Halloweenies

It’s about that time! Regardless of where you are in your life, your news feed is probably chalk-full of painfully adorable babies dressed in various vegetable, princess, and animal attire. The law of the universe says that if you have baby fever this is probably the time of year your ovaries skip a beat. A baby dressed as a pumpkin, sitting in a pumpkin, seriously I’m dying of cuteness over here. Anne Geddes really had the right idea. As you continue to scroll down there are all your single or random old college friends dressed in the exact same costumes as the babies, just the slutty versions. I’m not sure how you can make Elsa from Frozen look like a stripper, but you pulled it off, literally.

Then there are the newly engaged or the newlyweds that are in couple’s costume. No guy, or rather, no straight guy has ever ran home and said, “Honey! I have the perfect couples costume for us to wear this year!” It is always the wife’s idea and he goes along with it because it is pretty much written into the "in sickness and in health" part of your vows. There is a picture of the two of them, the guy seven beers deep and the girl giving her very best pouty but I’m still sexy even though I no longer single look, right? She’s pawing at his chest, while simultaneously sticking out her booty, most likely biting her finger. Guys, do me a favor and tell your woman she is pretty. Right now, turn to your right, because I’m sure she’s the one making you read this, and say, “My goodness you are beautiful!”

Halloween has got to be a logistical nightmare for parents with kids old enough to dress up and go out on their own. I’m sorry, strangers are going to be giving my child an unlimited supply of candy, and I’m supposed to be cool with this because they go door to door as opposed to getting it from an unmarked, windowless, white van? Who came up with this idea? These are the things that make my head explode as a new parent. But I am going to put those fears in the box marked: driver’s license, first date, and belly button piercing and store it far away in the future. For now, I’m going to go dress my little duckling and see if I can convince my husband that the only thing more fun than a couple’s costume is a family costume.  

Quack quack, I'm adorable.