How to Spot a Preggo

I can always tell which of my friends or acquaintances are pregnant and it’s never because they have suddenly stopped drinking or are constantly running to throw up like in the movies. It is a bunch of little undetectable habits that to the naked eye may seem normal; but to a veteran mother are about as obvious as smiling during a poker game.

They start smelling your kids. Not in a creepy way, but in a I just pulled out fresh laundry and I want to inhale all its goodness kind of way.

They start incessantly liking all of your posts. Let's face it by the 50th post of your child smiling in a onesie, you've cut your target audience in half. 

They start asking super odd questions about your children’s sleeping habits and whether or not you avoided soft cheeses during your pregnancy.

Their social media pages become Grandma-friendly. Suddenly their girls' weekends in Vegas turn into wholesome dog walking photos on the beach.

If someone accidentally brushes up against their boobs, they flinch like you’ve just pegged them with a BB gun.

They start talking about napping and sleep the way children talk about Disneyland.

I respect all women’s right to privacy and ultimately it is their decision on when they decide to spill the beans. Just know that I see you out there gagging over the smell of pickles, giving death stares to smokers and it’s no secret that, that big burrito you said you ate for lunch is actually not a "food baby".