We are the Tree
Tell me if this sounds familiar:
My husband: “I’m taking the girls to Target on their bikes, do you need anything?”
Me: “Yes, we need lots of stuff, but I’ll just have to go later.”
My husband: “What do we need, I’ll get it.”
Me: Hands him a list.
“Ok, so we need infant Advil also called Ibuprofen. Now they sell it in children’s for for 2-11 year-olds--you see here how this one says ‘CHILDREN’ (I’m actually using props for clarity). It needs to say ‘INFANT’.”
I am aiming for a perfect combination of clarity and gratitude because he’s taking the big girls out of my hair.
My husband: “Got it.”
Exactly 75 minutes later he has returned home safely with all our kids and 3 out of the 9 items on the list. I reach into the bag to get the medicine for the baby’s fever as this was truly the only important item. In my hand is a bottle of children’s medicine. And it’s Tylenol.
What happened next was a brief argument, where he was frustrated and I was irritated, emotions that sounds the same, but seasoned couples know are different. It ended easily with laughter and apologies on both ends and once again we were swept right back into the sea of tiny humans and their infinite neediness. See, we learned quickly that as partners in parenthood, it is better to be happy than to be right.
I like to imagine us back on our wedding day, our previous experience of selflessness reflecting in our ability to split a large pizza with his half pepperoni and mine sausage and mushroom. The kind of naive bliss you’d bet your whole life’s happiness on. Your life before kids prepares you for your life after kids, in the way a cold prepares someone for Ebola virus or the hospital tour prepares moms for contractions. Your wedding vows are just words until we are actually out there, living them.
And here we are living them.
Our partners have a way of seeing who we are and what we are capable of becoming. He fell for me because I am a nurturer. I for him because of his patience. Where the limbs of our individual branches were weak, the others wrap around for strength and support. Two separate trees that have merged to grow stronger through time. I picked out my husband specifically because I knew he was the father of my kids. When I looked at him, I saw them even before they came to be. And I knew he wouldn’t just be a dad; he would be the best dad. I’m grateful for a partner that wants to spend Saturday morning riding bikes with our daughters. Our family tree is capable of withstanding whatever may come, as well as multiple trips to the store.
