The Unwinnable Box

From the moment we become moms we are immediately held to an unwinnable standard. We expect moms to do it all and then we criticize them when they do. Moms should be fit and fashionable, but then how could they, they have children! Moms can be frumpy and out of shape, because they are moms, but then what kind of example are you setting for your kids? Sexy? Of course! But, never in public. Here, go in this box where you can never win.

Ok, so I’ll give you an example: the Superbowl halftime show. Shakira and Jennifer Lopez are both mothers and as mothers they were either applauded for their efforts or they were scorned.

My take on the halftime show as it relates to them as parents; JLo and Shakira went out and put on an entertaining performance. As women of any age, their athletic ability, sexual magnetism, coordination, and showmanship is to be applauded. The fact that they are parents has me even more in awe of their abilities, while I’m not a performer, I too am the wearer of all the hats and the struggle of juggling is very real.

If you find yourself disapproving of their performance, worrying about what message it is sending children--how about you send your kids the message you want them to hear, by engaging in a conversation about what they saw? I have three daughters, I asked them what they thought of the show. They said, “Sparkly, fun, and exciting.” I asked them if they had any questions about it. They asked me for a popsicle.

If someone is choosing to be offended by their performance, then we should also assume they found Adam Levine’s shirtless performance last year equally distasteful, after all, he too is a parent. Or even more troubling still, the dangers for football players, many of them Dads--increasing their likelihood of Alzheimer’s and Traumatic Brain Injury, all the while young boys are idolizing their every move.  

But these men are just doing their job.

Shakira and Jennifer Lopez, were also just doing their job. You are welcome to your opinion, but shouldn’t it be consistent across both sexes?

That brings me back to my original catch-22. Jennifer Lopez and Shakira are both talented artists who are also moms. They were applauded for being moms “of a certain age” capable of sex appeal and then they were criticized for it. JLo was celebrated for having her daughter sing with her up on stage and she was chastised for it.

This catch-22 of motherhood is exhausting. I am not asking you to agree with me about any of my points. I’m simply asking you to reexamine your role in it all. I personally don’t enjoy being placed in an unwinnable box and I won’t put other mothers in there either—I’m much too busy being in awe, of all we are capable of.