On the Anal-Retentive Scale of Worry, I typically place myself around a 4. I’m holding steady at this number even during the mass-hysteria of COVID-19 or Coronavirus, if you want to sound cool and casual. I’d say I am mostly concerned over how concerned I should be and my level of worry has more to do with the public’s, shall we say, strong reaction. It’s my belief that if you are buying more than one case of toilet paper from Costco, you are likely overthinking this.

Now, last I checked, an English degree and several teaching credentials, is not the same as a PhD in epidemiology of infectious diseases and yet we seem look for guidance in the most random places.

I like to put my trust in the healthcare professionals, and they recommend a lot of common-sense activities like: washing your hands, vaccinating your children, and staying home when sick.

As we know common sense is not common, but the great thing about America, is we have thousands of people that are well-versed in this field and have been preparing for this much longer than Trump’s last spray tan. So, I feel confident putting my health in the hands of experts.

Speaking of hands, this is right about the time, as Moms, we’ve become acutely aware that our beautiful, radiant, germ-soaked Petri dishes, AKA our children, are pretty gross. If they aren’t actively licking their fingers, it’s likely because they already have one knuckle-deep inside their nose. My greatest fear, is that if we were to get sick, we’d accidentally transmit the illness to a vulnerable member of our family, by sneezing directly into their mouth during a rousing game of peek-a-boo.

If you are like me, a doer, at times like this it’s important to stay productive.

Luckily, I’ve created this short list of recommendations for those just itching to follow my lead:

1). Try not to think about how gross your kids are, or better yet, teach them about germs and make hand-washing epically fun through sing alongs, bribery, or overly graphic visual aids.

2). I’d recommend canceling your cruise, unless you believe a mandatory quarantine is an adventurous way to put the spice back in your marriage.

3). Perhaps give yourself an internet-vacation (immediately following your liking, reading, and sharing of this article).

And for the love of everything, wash your hands. You can trust me, I’m not an expert.