Week 4

We open this episode with Clare being called into Principal Chris Harrison’s office. Principal Harrison reminds her this is essentially a game show and she’s not following the rules. In tears she explains, “I’ve waited so long for this”. For what, Honey? To fall in love, or to be the Bachelorette? I took an informal social media poll, because distraction from actual real-world issues right now is keeping me going. We got a solid 50/50 split! 

Now, do we believe the events unfolded in the way they showed us—with Clare being the master-decision-maker for the Bachelorette-powers-that-be? Or were producers already on the horn with Tayshia long before—once they realized Clare was about as interesting to watch/listen to as a six-year-old explaining their favorite YouTube video involving anime. Honestly, I don’t have any energy left for conspiracy theories. Regardless of the order of operations: Clare “loves” Dale and Dale “loves” Clare.

The other guys in the house feign anger, as their bro-ing out time could now be cut short. I did enjoy witnessing the men try to throw their hat in the ring for being the next Bachelor as they wish Clare well on her magical love discovery with Dale. My toddler puts on a better performance every day at nap time. Nice try.

Clare and Dale have their first official date. For most of dinner, it appears like Clare’s eaten a bad shellfish sandwich, but she sort of likes it. If you thought COVID would keep the show from an awkward impromptu concert, think again. The music spawns painful make-out dancing circa 7th grade—which leads to a sleepover. Good thing they already live in a hotel.

Poor Dale thought maybe they could take things at a normal human pace; but Dance Mom Cheer Captain, Chris Harrison, not-so-subtly reminds Dale they pay Neil Lane in advance. So, let me see if I have this straight, they can rewrite the entire show, except for the part where there NEEDS to be a proposal and a ring? Happy endings are a nonnegotiable, apparently. 

Regardless of whether or not he actually wanted to, Dale proposes as a way of “showing up” for Clare. I will say the footage shared during the credits in their quarantined-engagement-bliss, made them seem like a happy couple. And with that, I do wish them well. We all need love in this crazy, mixed up world. 

Now back to the small business of having an actual season of The Bachelorette. My favorite part of this episode is when the guys struggle with the moral dilemma of whether or not to continue on their journey to find love with a different girl. The real tragedy being, swapping out Bachelorettes means they won’t be allowed to use one of the staple catch-phrases, “I came here for you!” Blake and Jason are the most conflicted. I can promise you boys, absolutely no other woman is knocking on your door at home. And if they are, they are wearing a mask and look nothing like like this. 

Get on board everyone— it’s Tayshia’s turn for love!