Week 5 & 6
I think the producers should have first invested money in Peter going on a solo ice fishing trip where they could have witnessed his internal turmoil over which type of bait to use and his diving in to rescue a once released northern pike and then his trepidation over a worm that may or may not be ready for its emotional journey down the metaphorical hole in the ice. We all could have been spared this season and Mike P or Tyler Cameron could have shirtlessly graced our TVs for 5 hours this week.
Rather than recap an episode that contained no actual plotline, I’m going to list completely unimportant personal observations about the show thus far. These are more entertaining than week 5, I can promise you.
Kelley is here for the stamps in her passport, a paid vacation from being a lawyer, and nothing else.
Hannah Ann has the emotional depth of a ham sandwich with onions capable of inducing fake tears.
Mykenna isn’t really on The Bachelor, she’s on her very own meme-generator show based solely on her facial expressions. She is trying hard and has studied the past 397 seasons to recreate what will land you a Fit Fab Fun paid sponsorship.
Mykenna shouldn’t part her hair down the middle, it is a bad combination with her wannabe Cara Delevingne’s eyebrows and as a fashion blogger she should know this.
Am I the only one concerned that Kelsey is not getting enough oxygen into her nostril holes when she cries and it’s not that she’s popping pills or wasted, she’s experiencing late stage symptoms of hypoxemia.
Peter’s facial laceration is the most interesting thing about him currently and it happened as a result of him walking into a golf cart. This should tell you everything you need to know.
Victoria F is just not that into you, Peter. I see it, the guy holding the boom mic sees it.
This is a dumpster fire of a season. I am team Madison for Peter and Kelley for the Bachelorette (although it will be Demi, so they can continue to exploit her sexuality), thank you, and goodnight.
