Fantasy Suites and Finale
Ivan and Tayshia kick off Fantasy Suites.
With their super-limited budget, Ivan and Tayshia get to participate in “The World’s Longest, Coldest Kiss”. Because the longest kiss while wearing a scuba suit inside a taco truck wasn’t available as an option. I’m sure Ivan’s testicles just couldn’t bounce back in time for them to consummate their relationship, so rather than have their first time together in a trailer, they stay up all night actually talking.
Am I just old now or is anyone else curious why they don’t space Fantasy Suites out a little more? If I had 3 nights of 0 sleep, I wouldn’t be in any position to be making life-altering decisions on day 4. At the very least, I hope there is time to shower in-between.
Zac is next. The couple makes some art by rolling around half-naked on a canvas. Hey, it worked for Carly and Evan in Bachelor in Paradise and they are popping out babies like free t-shirts during an NBA halftime show. During dinner, besides a lot of sweating, the couple declare their actual love. Not “falling in love” but “I love you”. If these sounds the same, they aren’t! It wasn’t until recently the franchise allowed such radical self-expression. God, they are cute!
Brendan is last and noticeably the most gun-shy. So where do they send them? To look at rings! You know producers are scraping the very bottom of the barrel, when their final date is with Neil Lane. And not just like oh hey I get to try on diamonds. No, let’s actually hang out and chat with Neil over tea and crumpets. Brendan was about as comfortable looking at engagement rings as any father positioned at the stirrups, when their Baby Mama is crowning during labor.
Things take a hard turn during dinner when Brendan decides to excuse himself from the competition. The sad part of all this, is if Tayshia and Brendan met in the real world they could absolutely make it as a couple. Under these circumstances, no such luck.
Never fear, Ben returns to declare his love. Tayshia appears unsure until she kisses him like this is the end of a romantic comedy and Kate Hudson doesn’t actually want to lose the guy in 10 days.
Instead of putting Ivan through a rose ceremony, Tayshia says goodbye in private. Can I just say how happy I am contestants are now allowed to treat each other like human beings? Ivan was one of the good ones, but dry your eyes everyone, I have a feeling we will be seeing him again in the future.
Tayshia’s family arrives in the desert and Ben is the first to meet them. He does his best to address the painfully awkward scoop-necked elephant in the room. It’s always hard to introduce someone you dumped to your parents as your potential fiancé.
Zac and Ben both make great impressions. The show has moved away from the played out storyline of making one guy the clear winner or loser in the eye’s of the parents. But that doesn’t stop Tayshia’s dad from showing up later and reminding his daughter that not getting engaged is also an option. Sorry Mr. Adams, the contract Chris Harrison made Tayshia sign using her tears, on Chanel, says otherwise.
Afterwards, Tayshia breaks protocol and doesn’t wait for Ben to get down on one knee to breaks things off.
That brings us to the moment of truth between Tayshia and Zac.
Zac’s whisper proclamation of love through tears while he explains the gift her loving him gave his parents was everything. I can tell you first-hand, as someone who has traveled to rock bottom, I don’t have to know Zac personally to know he has crawled through hell, in order to be able to stand up there and propose to Tayshia. Their happily-ever-after is the stuff recovery dreams are made of. Cue ugly, happy tears.
She says “yes” and Tayshia and Zac are engaged! The couple pick up their taxi and trot off into the sunset, giving us all the feel-good vibes we need to end this shitshow of a year.
