This weeks starts off with a group date and they waste no time welcoming former BiP newlyweds Jared and Ashley into their bubble. For those of you unfamiliar with their backstory it’s the age-old tale of:

Girl stalks boy.

Boy is just not that into girl.

Girl ugly cries uglier than Kim Kardashian until finally, for the sake of never having to get a real job, boy marries girl.

These two shouldn’t be responsible for a houseplant, let alone picking someone else’s partner—but after a series of random challenges, deem Bennett and his robe the “Grown-Ass Man” Winner and Ed the “Man Child” Loser.

Tensions start to brew between Chasen and Ed. Their fight is like watching gorillas try and communicate over a banana in the wild, only much less interesting.

Believe it or not, in this episode there is an actual, real-life, rose ceremony! Nobody of note goes home, but Chasen stays and this upsets the other guys who claim he’s there to up his “Insta followers”. Imagine the stories Tayshia and Chasen could tell their children:

“We met on a dating show and all the other men Mommy was dating at the same time, said Daddy was only trying to get more social media followers, but Mommy AKA “Smokeshow” was starting to catch feelings.”

I think we can all agree Millennials won’t be doing anything to help the divorce rate in this country. Ivan and Ben are the men of note on the date, but ultimately Ivan gets the group date rose.

For the next group date, producers really bank on the accuracy of COVID testing when Tayshia oils everyone up and has them engage in some homo-erotic wrestling. What gets me every time with these physical contact challenges are when everyone feigns shock at how physical these contact challenges become. You could give the guys a marshmallow gun and someone would find a way to bleed.

Ed and Chasen are matched when Ed realizes without a neck, his mobility is limited, so he forfeits.

Luckily, Noah and his mustache hop the chain-link fence and wrestle with Chasen. The match, thanks to Noah’s porn stache, is arousing to absolutely no one. Also I had to Google “porn stache” for the correct spelling and I don’t think I can unsee those images now.

Chasen wins the belt, but Tayshia is more impressed by Noah’s enthusiasm and invites him on the group date.

Ben invokes a rookie-strategy and waits until the end of the date to get his time with Tayshia. Unfortunately, Tayshia spends most of the date shaving Noah. Yes, you read that correctly, she shaves his mustache and lady-boners everywhere were lost, probably forever. I hate to use one of Chasen’s words from his limited vocabulary, but the whole thing was “cringey”.

She presents Noah 2.0 to the group and then turns on my sweet-boy Ben for not finding her sooner. Twitter was not pleased.